i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
