The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
