if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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