i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
