soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
