piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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