even my farts smell like vagina
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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