Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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