For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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