Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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