Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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