There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
