it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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