Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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