I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
