It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
