someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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