Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize