You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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