I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
