keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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