My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
