i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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