I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
