Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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