could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
