My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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