And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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