I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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