i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
