so that wasnt chicken after all
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
