He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
