omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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