Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
