Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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