great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
