so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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