you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Small penises have feelings too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
