I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
