Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
