i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
