Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
