apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
