I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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