Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
