walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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