mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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