I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
