I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
