plz talk dirty to me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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