I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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