I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
