Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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