Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
