How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
