Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize