I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Holy shit dude........stairs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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