my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
