I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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