Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
