new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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