Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
