You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
