I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
