The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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