Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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