We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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