Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
