You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
