Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
