I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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