dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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